Ron's Party
by Ichijouji-Tiana
Summary: Ron sneaks his dad's muggle karaoke machine to school... very funny.


It had happened again.  
Ron Weasly had snuck his father's muggle karaoke machine to school and put a spell on it to make it work on school grounds. He didn't really expect the teachers to find out. He just thought that if he could get people to sing kareoke in the Gryiffindor commons room that he would be considered popular. He was right after all. The kids did think it was fun and cool, and for a brief shining moment, the kids accepted him once and for all.

Let me explain.  
Harry Potter was feeling kind of down lately, and he continued to talk about these voices in his head.

Ron knew how he felt. When he heard voices, he just rubbed a piece of rubber he nick-named Mr. Boopi to his head and that quieted them down a bit. That wasn't really Harry's idea of a cure, but it worked for Ron.

Ron's voices had long, droning conversations about purple night gowns and striped giraffes. But apparently, Harry's voices were violent rappers that sang. Yes. Sang. Sang about drugs, gay people, and killing wives. He even heard him sing a song about an obsessed stalker that kills his girlfriend.

Ron remembered how the Karaoke machine made daddy feel when he sang into it. Maybe, if Harry could get the voices to sing into the machine, they would be happier like Ron's dad was. He devised a plan to get the machine into the commons room that very night. It was simple, he would send his parents two tickets to a show, and use floo powder to get to his house. It was brilliant, especially since he had tickets to a wizard play for that very night.

He tied a note and the tickets carefully to his new owl, Nufferguttawagna, Nuffer for short. (Pigwidgeon turned out to be an evil psychotic killer who was bent on world domination and had a thing for cats. Ron had a lot of bad luck with his pets.) Nuffer flew out the window and returned shortly with a heart-felt thank you note from his parents. Ron smiled devilishly as the tips of his hair curled into horns.  
He stood in front of the fire and jumped in.  
"Ahhh! I forgot the powder!"  
As fast as he jumped in, he jumped out, flaming. He rolled across the floor, frantically screaming "STOP DROP AND ROLL! STOP DROP AND ROLL!" It didn't help much, because soon after the rug caught on fire.  
"Oh ,shit..."  
Ron stomped on it, crying like a little girl.  
That didn't help at all either, because it then spread to the furniture.  
"Isn't anything in here flame retardant?!" he yelled, hysterically reaching for his wand and shouting some spells. The flames stopped instantly as mounds of baking soda poured from the ceiling.  
With a quick flick of his wand, the room was restored, and everything was normal.  
Besides the fact that since Ron's wand is broken, the couch had eyes and the chair had a mouth.  
This time he got the powder in and shouted clearly.  
He was in his house now. He never knew how cozy his house could be. A pleasing aroma filled the air. There was smoke everywhere, it seemed to be coming from Fred & George's room.

Oh. Shit.  
He forgot that he had to get rid of Fred and George. They graduated from Hogwarts so they were home now.  
Shit Shit Shit.  
He wasn't really too worried. How could he be worried? The smoke in the air just made him too happy. Pretty soon the walls started to melt. There were colours everywhere, and when he raised his hands he saw tracers.  
"Whoa..." he said slowly.

He stumbled clumsily (for some reason he thought he could fly) around his fathers storage room looking for the karaoke machine. Once he found it, he picked it up. Since he thought he had super powers, he tried to lift it with his mind first. It wouldn't work so he kneeled down in front of it just to look at it. The buttons on it started to play hockey and the knobs were having a conversation about baseball. He looked on the top of it. There sat a little girl. Literally, a little girl. She was about two inches tall, and looked his age.  
"Hello. My name is Alice," she said with a curtsy.

"My name is Ron," he replied.

"Will you hand me those cookies?" the girl said, pointing to a shelf. "I can't reach them."

Ron stood up and looked over the shelf. He picked up a bowl of computer parts. For some reason he thought that they were little yellow heart shaped cookies that said in bold pink letters 'Eat me.'  
He set them down on top of the karaoke machine next to the little girl.

"Thank you. Will you hand me that bottle?" she asked him, now pointing to a small tub marked 'DEADLY ACID.'  
Ron picked up the tub; he thought it was a small glass bottle that had a little yellow note that said 'drink me'.  
"Thank you," Alice said. "Oh no! The Cheshire Cat!"  
The girl jumped into the bottle as Hermione Granger's cat Crookshanks leaped onto the karaoke machine.  
(Fred and George were watching Crookshanks for Hermione because Crookshanks was banned from school for a week; it scratched Dumbledore in the face.)  
Usually a yellow color, Crookshanks was purple and pink to Ron. It had horns and sick yellow eyes with no pupils.  
Ron backed away quickly.

The Cheshire cat looked around the room wildly and burped out fire. It then focused on Alice (who was now out of the bottle and covered with thick black tar) and swallowed her whole.  
Ron was scared now. He knocked the cookies and the bottle off the kareoke machine and stabbed the evil Cheshire cat with a rubber hose which he thought was a knife at the time. He darted into the living room and through some floo powder into the fire.  
"Hogwarts Gryiffindor Common Room!" he yelled, jumping into the fire.  
He landed in the chair with a mouth, which shouted profanities when the moment of impact came.

Ron suddenly had a headache and mostly forgot his experience at home, but remembered the happy feeling. He wanted to get the happy feeling back but didn't know how.  
"I should go home more often..." he said to himself as he set up the karaoke machine.

When he was done, kids began to pour in from the entrance, and asking questions like, "Whoa, Ron! What is that?" and "How does it work?"

"It's a Karaoke Machine!" Ron said, picking up a microphone. "I'll demonstrate..."  
The lights faded, and suddenly there was Music filling the room. a magic screen appeared in front of everyone with words to a song.  
A spotlight focused on Ron, and he began to sing.  
Magically, he was wearing a school girls outfit.  
Harry or Colin Creevy didn't want to admit it, but they were pretty turned on...  
"Oh, baby, baby, How was I supposed to know? That somethin' wasn't right here, oh pretty baby... I shouldn't have let you go... but now your right I'm sorry... show me, how you want it to be, tell me cuz I need to know now what? because... My loneliness... is killin' me... and I... I must confess... I still believe... still believe... when I'm not with you... I lose my mind... give me a sign... hit me, baby, one more time!"  
Ron sang like a girl, and did full dance moves, complete with a fleshy strip tease at the end of the song.

Hermione Granger walked in from a late study session in the library... yeah, right. I think we all know that Miss Perfect Granger was being not so perfect with Mr. Evil boy himself--- Draco Malfoy--- in the abandoned girls toilet. She walked in flushed, and appalled (she secretly enjoyed it) at what was unfolding on stage now. Colin, Ron, Harry, Dean, and Seams were dressed as a Cowboy, a Cop, an Indian, a Construction Worker and a Sailor singing and dancing to YMCA by the Village People. If it wasn't bad enough, Ron and Harry were getting a little frisky towards the end. They soon disappeared after the song and reappeared and hour later pink and embarrassed.  
It was Harry's time to shine. He flipped through all the CDs Ron got from his dad's stuff and finally found one that the voices liked.  
Eminem... The Marshall Mathers LP.

He stood in front of everyone, in baggy blue jeans and a big white T-shirt, with his hair bleached blonde.  
He sang extremely fast, and the disturbing lyrics disgusted some, but amused the others greatly. He was singing Stan, and amazingly, sounded just like Slim.

The party kinda went dead at the end, when Stan drove his car off a bridge, and everyone just stopped dancing. Most of them looked at Harry like he was nuts, but some cheered him on. When he finished his song, he got off stage. The applause started out fairly low, but escalated to a defining roar. People everywhere started slapping Harry on the back, and saying nice comments to him. Ginny even asked for his autograph (as if it wasn't so valuable already).  
Ron held one quivering fist at his side.  
"That should be MY applause... I brought the machine..." he grumbled under his breath.

As the night went on, more people ditched Ron to hang with Harry. A throbbing vain almost exploded on Ron's forehead.  
Everyone asked Harry to sing more. And what made Ron more angry, is that Harry sang.  
He sang Liquid Dreams by O-town, and Stronger by Britney Spears, and even Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chix. He was starting to take requests. Girls followed him around the commons room.

All the while Ron got angrier and angrier.  
Finally he snapped.  
In the middle of a rousing rendition of Mmmbop, Ron jumped from behind a drum set in his own make-shift Zac Hanson costume and stabbed Harry with a drum stick. Then he impaled him with a cymbal.  
Harry bled to death of course, and the lost of his head helped a bit with the death, but no one noticed because they thought it was part of the act.  
After an hour of Harry's still body on stage, people began to relies that something was really wrong here. They called Dumbledore into the room, and pronounced Harry dead.

People cried, and sobbed, but it would have been A-OK because Dumbledore decided to fire Nearly Headless Nick that morning for no apparent reason so they needed a new Gryiffindor Ghost. And the name Headless Harry sounded good. So now, Everyone is happy, Headless Harry keeps his head on with Scotch tape and is really happy because the voices were finally able to escape his head through his throat when Ron impaled him. The voice took shape of Eminem and now lives in Eminem's apartment in Detroit. Hermione is openly 'dating' Draco, and Draco is thinking about becoming an Angry rapper like Harry. Ron is no longer attending Hogwarts as a student, but as the new Defense Against Dark Arts teacher. His class motto is  
"If he bugs you, Impale em'."

Fred and George get happy every Friday night when their parents are not home.  
Crookshanks was killed that awful night when Ron thought he was the Cheshire Cat.  
Nuffers turned out to be Professor Snape, who is trying to kill Ron because he wants the Defense against Dark Arts job.  
Colin is now openly gay, and attracted to Headless Harry.  
Nearly Headless Nick lives in a box outside of Boston, on the highway. You can see him every Monday, 9-5 PM tap dancing and taking his head half-way off for nickels.  
THE END. 


End file.
